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Professional Lifehacks

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Tagged As: How To, Humor, and Lifehacks

Always take a 10 minute break everyday to poop at work. Over a 20 year career, you'll be paid 867 hours for pooping. At 2019's minimum wages, that's approximately $13,000 in paid-poop-time. #worktolive

Freeze your boiling water to save it for later without burning your hands. #protip

Train your body to survive on vending machine snacks. When the zombie apocalypse strikes, the health fanatics will feel ill on a diet of Cheetos and fall prey to zombies while you continue on. #science

Help your children sleep through the night using a humidifier filled with chloroform on a low setting. #goodparent

Put a sticky note with the wrong password on it under your keyboard. This will keep miscreants busy and your documents safe. #security

Enter the phone number of people you don't like at gas station pumps to use up their grocery store points and get discounted fuel. #savings

Dramatically reduce your job performance over a long period of time in order to be promoted OUT of your position by your organization. #jobsecurity

Create slightly deviant social media personas for people you don't like and leave the settings public. It doesn't matter if photos don't match, they'll get dismissed by prospective employer screening and never meet in the interview. #servedcold

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