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2013-12-17
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Americans Oppose Santa's Privacy Violations

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Tagged As: Blog and Humor

Privacy advocates within the United States have jumped onto the bandwagon and lumped jolly old Saint Nick in with the National Security Agency for his egregious violations of privacy. Tea Party spokesmen decried his actions, "I mean, its one thing for the NSA to be listening to my phone calls ... but its another entirely for Santa Claus to watching me while I sleep. How does he know when I'm good." Atheists have scoffed at the conservative right, "What do you have to hide? Your adulterous ways? If you were living those values you keep thumping at us you'd have nothing to worry about. Hippocrites." Even Snowden seemed upset, "I tried to find documents linking the NSA to Santa. I know they or the CIA must have him secured in a locked room somewhere, waterboarding him for information. He has it coming ... the pervert is watching our children." Santa quickly dismissed charges that he operates in league with the NSA to provide detailed information on global activities. "I'll admit, I have a pretty amazing repository of information and the naughty list is fraught with terrorists. My network of elves covertly tap all available resources in order to properly identify bad children, miscreants and people that don't believe in Jesus. But I wouldn't be surprised if they're reading all the Christmas lists ... after all, you could probably correlate terrorists trying to get their hands on enriched uranium from me! Ho Ho Ho!"



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